Holy Holidays, Batman!

I hate being pinched. Particularly for some holiday whose existence I do not understand. I hate feeling like a derelict husband for lack of flowers and candy on that stupid day in February. Thus, I have decided to officially list the holidays that should exist, and those that should not. I was going to create objective categories for this, but then decided that my decisions were completely subjective, so I gave up the appearance of fairness.
Holidays to Keep:
New Year's Day-Almost every society in the world celebrates some sort of lunar or solar based holiday. We should be no different. Besides, it allows us to focus on regeneration and the ability to start over at least once a year. That is positive.
MLK Day-This may seem like a likely one to axe, but I think it is important to have a holiday concerned with the role of minorities, and particularly African Americans in our country. I might keep it on MLK's birthday (or a mondayized version of it) and rename it Civil Rights Day or African American History Day, but I would keep it.
Easter-Again, almost every culture in the history of time has had some sort of fertility ritual day. Even the Israelites gave thanks to God for their crops. Some would object coupling Christ's death and resurrection with pagan rites, but I say rubbish! If pagan thinking leads people to think spiritually, let's capitalize! That's what Paul did at the Areopagus.
Memorial Day-I can't think of how to argue against it and not look like a big...fill in the blank.
4th of July-In general it is hard to vote for patriotism in this age of slobbering on the flag, but based on the "everyone does it" principle, this one is impossible to lose.
Halloween-How boring would childhood be without Halloween?
Thanksgiving-This holiday shows a deep appreciation for the importance of racial harmony and remembering our forefathers...okay, I'll stop trying. This holiday exists for two reasons: food and football.
Christmas-Argue against this one. I dare you!
Boxing Day-A curve ball! Yes, we should include an English holiday. Not because of what Boxing Day means (I have no idea why they have this holiday) but because no one but retail and Ebenezer Scrooge works this day anyway. If they do they shouldn't!
Holidays that have to go:
President's Day-Who cares? Maybe congress had a bet that they couldn't make up enough holidays to give off postal workers every other Monday for the first three months of the year.
Valentine's Day-Many know my position on this. Two entities created this holiday. Hallmark and Satan.
Saint Patrick's Day-This holiday, from what I can tell, is about pinching people and getting as smashed as possible. I can see why some would feel the need to keep it, personally I find it idiotic.
Labor Day-I reject this one based on the irony of it all. Everyone takes labor day off. Congratulations! You are so devoted to coming in every day of the week, that we are going to disallow you from doing that next Monday!
Columbus Day-I would like to similarly strip Columbus of his status as historically important. He wasn't the first to think that the world was round. He wasn't the first to North America, apparently the Norwegians beat him. He did nothing but try to find a short cut, and failed completely. He got lucky and now we praise him for it. Its like having an annual "Caleb found a five dollar bill on the ground picking his nose day." Maybe I should add that to the list...